Believe it or not, eating your feelings is not as delicious as it sounds. I had a very bad weekend, and I don’t know what’s been going on with me for the last few weeks. I am losing my dedication. I know I’m not a helpless bystander that is forced to just watch as my dedication slips away, but I for some reason, I’m not bouncing back as quickly from slip ups as I have in the past. The poor food choices started Thursday, and rather than stopping and getting back on track at the next meal, Thursday snowballed into Friday, then Saturday and Sunday, and the whole weekend was a waste. I only worked out once, and pretty much ate whatever I wanted, while not journaling a thing.
I keep looking for some outside source to come through and magically re-energize me with the focus I had this time a year ago. Honestly, I really just want this whole thing to be over, I finally would like to be in a space where I don’t have to be neurotically counting every calorie that goes in my body. I understand that's not a possibility as I still have 40 pounds to go, and a lifetime of maintenance ahead of me.
I want to break up with food.
Oh, if it were only that easy. Smokers can get the patch, alcoholics can completely give up booze, and crackheads can just put down the pipe. There is no "healthy balance" that needs to be formed with one and their heroin addiction, you just cut it out of your life, break up with it. Knowing that food is necessary to sustain life functions, I wish I could I just have a normal relationship with it and make choices that are not based on how happy/sad/lonely/tired/stressed/ depressed I am.
The realization that this may never happen sucks the most, and there are times, this weekend for example when I feel so isolated. I know that I have people, who are very supportive, but it is difficult for me to reach out. I hate having this insane character flaw which continues to kick my ass on a regular basis.
I guess all I can do is just start over (again) today.
1 comments:
So, I might not have forty to loose, but I'm going to have to loose more than five to make my pre-baby clothes fit again. I'm only five pounds above the starting weight but my body has completely changed. Nothing fits at all now and I am screwed (you know how I hate to spend the cold cash on clothing). So, I'm off to step on that treadclimber each and every day until, so help me, I can squeeze these thighs back into my pants. In the meantime, I better hear about your workouts each day so that the two of us can stay motivated.
Wishing we could work out together (preferrably in your parents pool while Bear Grylls brings us fruit platters).
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