Just so we are all clear, in my brain, I’m very much still a fatty. I never believed stories of people who lost significant amounts of weight, who would say I pretty much feel the same. Impossible!!! You look like a completely different person, so why don’t you feel different. Well now I totally get it.
I’ve spent many years saying to myself, “When I lose weight, I’ll ___________”,”If I were smaller I would try_________”. Over the last three weeks or so I have been realizing that on some level my weight allowed me to essentially make excuses for myself, or to forgo trying new things or taking on new challenges and endeavors. This is actually pretty shocking to me because I think I am a pretty driven person, but maybe not as much as I thought.
I also haven’t really become that comfortable yet in my “new skin”, I have this fear that I will just wake up one day and be 80 pounds heavier again, because I ate pizza or something the night before. Crazy, I know, but I never claimed to not be crazy. This adjustment has been the most difficult I think, just because I really don’t know who the “new me” is yet. Initially, much of my weight loss battle was fought in front of the fridge, or on the treadmill, but now the new frontier of my weight loss battle is going to be the battle in my head.
I still need to lose 40 more pounds, and the 40 I have left to go are freaking me out more than the 80 that’s already gone. 12 months ago I couldn’t have foreseen this, but I knew going in that this was a journey, not a destination and that along the way I would run into challenges.
At WI this week I was up a pound, it’s deserved gain though. I ate a bit too much over the weekend. I’ll just step up the workouts over the next 10 days, cut back on the food and try to closeout the month strong!
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