Early last week I was talking to my mother on the phone on the way home from work. I talk to my Mom about 2 to 3 times a week. Mostly brief conversations where she listens to me bitch, whine and complain about something. “Aren’t moms great?” During this particular conversation my Mom told me I sounded lukewarm, and she was concerned. Mostly because I am usually hot or cold, black or white, happy or sad, one extreme or the other, never one to just straddle the fence or reside in the middle. My mom really does know me, I have been lukewarm for the last two months or so. I have tried to pinpoint what could be causing it, and for the most part my life is good. I have my health, my family, and I was fortunate enough to be born in America. On a macro level, life is GREAT. I don’t want to whine when God has blessed me with so much, and I hesitate to openly complain on my blog.
The reality is that the day to day is lived at the micro level, and on a micro level I’m not currently pleased with my life. I also realize that I am ultimately responsible for any changes that need to/should take place, but I am 27 years old and I don’t even feel like my life has begun. I still feel like I am waiting for a catalyst to spark to finally get my life started. I'm not too pleased with my professional or my personal life, and for the first time ever, I really don’t care. I have no passion. It’s like I have just decided to settle for the mediocrity that is currently my life. Maybe this is what “life” is. Not everything is exciting, spectacular and amazing. You go to college so you can work. Work isn’t that fun, unless of course you work at a toy or fireworks factory. I’m not sure how to deal with this current phase. I’m not happy, I’m not sad, I’m just kinda going through the motions. I imagine this is what most people do everyday, at least that’s what I will tell myself, so I don’t feel like such passionless loser.
0 comments:
Post a Comment